Law of Success and Attraction allowed me seven months of exquisite travel and being in Flow. I was tuned in, tapped in, and exultant with gratitude of seeing wonderful friends and being with dear family. Not every minute was outrageously wonderful, but I practiced seeing the best in the situation and looking for the mystery that brought it all together. Every morning, I set my intention to be present, to come from my heart, and radiate fullness and caring. I was constantly delighted with beautiful cloud formations, lovely Gulf waters, and succulent vegetation. I was alive, exuberant, and flowing with gratitude and secret appreciation that I practiced the universal laws of success and attraction, and they generously and lavishly cared for my every want and need.
When I arrived home, I was full buoyant and happy. I took care of the dead battery in my car, and moved into my new apartment. Within days, my fullness skidded to a painful stop. I was adjusting to a new city, a new roommate, and dreary weather. Well. So uncomfortable things happen, even to people who are flowing in the current of wellbeing, don’t they? I got smaller, depressed, cut my self off from flow. I escaped into reading and watching TV. My motivation diminished. It was very uncomfortable, painful, and I couldn’t get out. I got sick from food poisoning after cooking a wonderful meal for myself. Two days later, I fell and cracked a rib. The contrast of doing so well and then feeling so poorly was awful.
Here’s a part of the journal entry that helped me find perspective.
“All that current moving so fast was like water in an engorged river-hitting a dam of logs. I was stunned and off kilter after the impact and didn’t know what hit me. I didn’t quite comprehend that I had stopped being in the flow and smashed myself into all the rigidities that reared themselves.
I was so judgmental of myself for allowing myself to be victim again. So mad that I was trapped in smallness again. The little part of me was still stunned and reeling. The judge in me railing away at the stunned shocked body and little kid who was still awash in all the water cascading into the logs, completely lost from the banks and from the flow.
I remember the shock now, but thought that was it was just because I moved and everything was way different. I had also stopped traveling and I thought it was just the transition between traveling and being rooted in a new place. Perhaps it was the transition from being with so many people to being alone, not surrounded by the love. I felt like I stepped out of one universe into another.
And because most of it was all happening energetically, I didn’t see the energetic event; I was lost in the consequences. By that time, I was in victim and kept looking for the cause through eyes of blame.”
This morning I went to a brand new church, and the minister confessed she had no talk prepared because of a series of events that went from the magic of seeing all the lights of Ashland turn on to having a daughter severely sprain an ankle and come home unexpectedly with her three year old child. Another friend of mine who is actively trying to start a new business took her Mom and family to Oregon for Thanksgiving with her sister’s family. Mom suffered acute pain and needed to come to live with my friend. Esther Hick’s husband Jerry passed on this past week.
Things happen unexpectedly even to those people who are in flow and what do we do? How do we handle those challenging times? Here I am in a life I love and have created and surrounded by people who think similarly as I do. And still stuff happens.
External circumstances will impact our life whether it is 2001 or 2011. Each of these times gives us a new opportunity to reach for more growth. And they are not without pain. But whoever said life was always pain free. Some of the times when I was in great sorrow were also the times when I was most alive, heart felt and connected – like when each of my parents died.
When I was rereading the notebook in which I was writing the above journal, I came across another entry right after I arrived home when I was on top of the world. I entered into a meditative style of writing where my higher self talks to me. Here are two excerpts.
“You are moving very fast in the stream, and if you hesitate or stop – the stream the flow pushes at your stilled body and you feel pushed. You have stepped up your vibration increment by increment and now energy is moving in lightening speed.”
I was a bit hesitant and a bit scared of the responsibility, I replied. Then an answer came.
“This allows you to know the import of this. To hesitate now is to move backwards or even stop – and that will create great difficulty for you.”
How little did I know how true were those words.
So now as I look back, I see that I practiced everything I knew on my trip, and when I returned home, I received an statement from my soul that the world urgently needs us – me specifically – to do our work. I hesitated. I forgot to practice all the things I had been practicing while I was traveling. As Abraham says, it’s like driving in a car at 50 miles an hour and crashing into a tree. The spiritual path is not always bliss. I went through three or four major transitions at one time, and as is natural, I fell into the older habitual patterns.
So how do we recover? I can tell you what works for me. It really helps me to understand what happened. Then I gain perspective and can reach for better feeling thoughts and actions and flow into the more adult, successful me. I have the knowledge of Psychosynthesis to understand all these aspects of life that I created to cope. But that was not enough. When we are trapped inside an identification that has great power – such as victim, it takes some monumental effort to get out.
For me, journal writing is very helpful. I trust the process, and after a while, my greater self will reveal to me what is going on. It also helps me to talk with others, and I did this time too, and got different clues. I asked for help, specifically for prayers to support me during the process. Knowing that my family was thinking about me, caring about me and sending prayers for me helped.
My daughter gave me an indication of the truth. She reminded me that I had run into a tree going 60 miles an hour. But I didn’t fully understand what I had done with the flow of energy, until I wrote about it. She also invited me to practice gratitude. That helped. She asked me if I was meditating.
When stuck in victim energy, vibration is slow, energy is stagnant and hard to move, and it takes more effort to get unstuck. When I am in victim energy, it is very hard to reach for meditation – which is a much higher frequency. So instead of making myself bad and wrong, I just reached for something I could do. I could journal.
Once I did my journaling which happened on Thanksgiving Day, I felt a surge of understanding, and took a deep breath. “Of course! That was what had happened. Of course I felt shock. Of course I felt disoriented. Of course transitions aren’t the easiest for me. Of course there had been a lot going on. No wonder I fell into an old pattern.” Just that simple understanding, and acceptance, gave me so much more room and energy for movement.
When I stopped judging and felt some compassion for myself, I moved up the vibrational scale. And just a little movement, gives access to more things. I could see better, think better, and have more motivation.
My body had been very stiff especially after I broke my rib, and I read some research about people in Okinawa who lived very long lives. A 100 year old woman still gets up and sells her wares every day. After I read that, I started to give thanks for every movement I made with my body, because it helped my body stay flexible.
I gained weight on that trip, and in the same research, I read how we eat about 550 calories a day too much, and it would take two and a half hours of hard work out the same day to take off those extra calories. All of a sudden I am finding that I want to count calories. This morning, I looked at the cookies and cakes at the hospitality table and asked myself if I wanted those calories. Instead I picked up a slice of apple.
Another thing I did while I was so stuck, is that I got out my Abraham tapes, and played one every morning. Inspiration helps me move. If nothing else, it gives me hope to persevere when I am depressed.
I sang. In a community chorus, this season we are singing gospel songs, last season it was the Beatles and before that it was Celtic songs. Raising my voice always lifts my spirits. I had to work diligently to learn some complex parts, and the focus helped move my energy. When I am in the car traveling, I put in practice tapes, and sing along. Or I can listen to inspirational tapes and cd’s in the car.
Difficult times in which we are stuck sometimes calls for exceptional measures. I bought some subliminal tapes to watch. I have one on loving myself, and remembering my self esteem, one on health, one on attracting new friends, and several integrative ones.
This morning, as soon as woke, I listened to one, and it happened to be on health. When I came home from church, I pulled out a video tape that I have been carrying around for a couple of years called beginner’s Tai Chi. It was perfect. Tai Chi is a gentle movement that can be done as a meditation. This one was situated on the peachy beige sand of Maui surrounded by green and blue waters. I felt as though I was right there with him listening to the water, watching the sunrise, and stretching my body. Late in the evening, the sun came out, and I went for a mile walk along the waterfront. Remember just a week ago, I had little motivation to move.
So that’s how we recover. Increment by increment, we remember what helps us. We reach for help. We take little actions, like a walk in the park, a drive through the mountains, connecting with family and friends, and we journal. We find some things to be grateful for. We reach for inspiration. We implement some diligent help as soon as we have a little more movement and energy available. We accept ourselves where we are and look forward to feeling even better.
I totally forgot that I have a series of strategies called “When you forget.” So I will revisit those. I will keep religiously watching my subliminal tapes to really slingshot me back to the realms where I am more me. Here is a link to the subliminals that I purchased – no I don’t make a penny off them. I just find them really helpful right now when I needed some accelerating. www.subliminal-videos.com). I also am taking a new course called Silva Life System, and each one of these things is new to me and in depth and intense. This is part of my diligence to move me back to center while adding new skills and understanding.
So why did this happen? I have clues. I was trying to integrate all that I do with my understanding about shadow and the dark side of self. I was about to write a book about what to do in hard times, and having some doubts and questions. My greater self was very specific about now being the time to contribute what I know to the world, and I hesitated (part of my shadow). I was wondering how to integrate moving up and down on the emotional and vibrational scale with what I know already. So I got to live directly and specifically all the things I had been contemplating. Yes it was ouchy!
And in the end, I bet I will feel deep gratitude for this particular set of valleys and hills on my journey. For now, I am reaching for the small gratitudes. As I remember and focus on what I have, my energy shifts up vibrationally. I am going to do some more meditations, and see my shadow selves and my victim pattern being held compassionately by the Source that flows through me.
I am grateful for my tenacity and for my deep desire to feel good. I am grateful for all the experiences and knowledge that I have gained in a lifetime of moving towards my essential self and awakening to the greatness within each and every one of us. I am grateful that I have the time to reflect, study, integrate, grow, and then write and share this with others. I am so grateful that I had 7 wonderful months of flow, and looking forward to when I can keep that flow moving even longer. I am grateful that I know what to do to pull myself up out of the sloughs of despair. I am grateful that I have a body that works. I am grateful for the rich beauty of this incredible planet. I am grateful that there are communities to celebrate with who have similar beliefs. I am grateful for wonderful music and the incredible creativity that is within each of us. I am grateful for Esther Hick, her husband and their incredible work especially the emotional scale which I use when I get detoured like recently. I am grateful for Napoleon Hill, Abraham Lincoln, Maxwell Maltz, Roberto Assagioli, Carl Jung, Jacqueline Small, Georgia Okeefe, the minister this morning, and all those greats who have gone before us and left us wonderful messages about how to live our lives in stream of well-being.
I am grateful for the laws of the universe that support us and invite us to be our best. I am grateful that laws of success help us lean into that greatness.