These days sometimes I am in Flow and sometimes I am in major Bump. It is quite unpredictable. In June I shared the allegory about the creature who lived at the bottom of the river and decided to let go in the entry To Flow or Not to Flow, that is the question. This is a followup to that story.
Times are really interesting and strange. I used to feel “in charge.” Now, I seem to be either moving smoothly while working really hard, or just bumbling along, with all my fears and doubts tearing at me. When the forces of the Universe are moving, it does not always feel pleasant when I am not in sync.
So in June I made this huge decision to move out the community I live in, and move to an island in the San Juan’s. I had a huge image emerge about my career development. I gave notice and began to move out. In July, I travelled to that island again, and I felt like I had warped into a different dimension. No way could I consider moving there, it was too busy and too many many people filled the roads and stores. I was looking for the nurturing of sparkling clean waters and air and the rejuvenation that comes from deep connection with the Earth.
So I had experienced a great dream call to me, and then saw it disintegrate in front of my eyes. And of course I had told many people. I felt embarrassed.
Now what to do? I made a decision to continue to move out, and gave myself a couple of months to simply be with the unknown.
For these two months, I have practiced flowing and bumping. Sometimes I clutch the bottom of the river looking for stability and security. Sometimes I let go and flow. Much of the time I am just flowing with the current, not knowing what the outcome is going to be. Then when I haven’t gotten enough sleep, or I am not feeling well, my fears and doubts sneak up on me, and just glue me to the rocks. As I try to break free, I get all kinds of bruises before the current carries me along and I feel like I am flying.
A couple of things help.
1. I trust my inner process and my Higher Self. Even if I don’t know where this is all headed, usually it gets revealed in hindsight. I can wait until it does.
2. I do my best to take care of physical health, plenty of rest, and good supplements and great nutritional meals.
3. I don’t allow my inner critic to beat the drum about how stupid I am. That just makes me spiral down further.
4. I remember that I am in the Gap.
5. I remember that this time will pass.
6. Distract myself when I’m crazed – read, watch movies, go visit friends.
7. Find ways to center into my deepest self again. Which means remembering that I have a deepest self. Watching October skies, moths flitting around gardens, and other ways of connecting with Nature helps me remember.
From October 3 until about October 23-26, we have some shenanigans going on astrologically. I found myself bumping quite hard yesterday. So I made my list above and decided to share them with you, in case you have hit a bumpy patch too.
This time will pass, and we will be in flow again, soon. I promise.