My intention is to have more inner stability so that I am at peace and happy no matter what is happening with my health, with my life, with my finances, with my housing, with politics, with the community where I live; no matter what is happening in my outside or inside world.

While I was ill for so long, I began feeling at the mercy of my illness (a victim mentality). When I got depressed as I watched the national and global scene this year, I felt at the mercy of current events. When I got mad at what was happening in the community where I lived, I wanted to rant and scold, and make others bad or wrong (perpetrator mentality). When I got afraid for my daughter as her life changed, I wanted to help (invoking my seeing of her as a victim, and me as a rescuer).  None of these stances; victim, perpetrator, rescuer; come from a centered, empowered place.  So we all have these perspectives inside us.  We have grown up in cultures that evoke that of us.  But today’s topic is not about the victim, perpetrator rescuer or drama triangle, it is about trying to get off that platform, and in tune with our largest vision.

One last thought about the drama or victim triangle, is that we go there when we are afraid or have some deep anxiety.  It is often the way we experience our power (either under or over someone else, or by feeling like we know more than someone else so can help them – yuck).

So one way off that triangle is to feel our own internal power.  Another way is to feel at peace and free of fear.  Being happy is a very wonderful way to stay off the triangle.

Curiously, success – which so many of us reach for, is our way of trying to be happy.  We think “if I can just have lots of success, lots of money, good relationships, security, I will be happy.

In the Abraham Hicks work, if you are happy, you set up internal conditions, you set up alignment with Source so that you feel happy, and what you have desire for is much more likely to flow to you.  That too is beyond today’s entry, but it is basic to my approach.

I want to be happy. I don’t want to worry about the future, the present, and I want to look with anticipation to the continuation of this adventure of life.

So my continuing question these days is “how do I stay happy”?  One of my ways (there are many), is to attune to and align with the Life Force that flows through me.   You could call it the Source that flows through me.   To do that, I need to be receptive.

Now I have a very active and sometimes wild mind. It does not like being quiet.  So I have developed a number of ways to deal with the mind of mine that likes to take an image, or an event, chew it to death, and show me how awful the world is.  Nope.  That is not conducive to being happy.

Most meditation is for the purpose of doing one thing:  Quietening the mind.  So I have to outsmart it.  The news here is that I have done it enough, so that I have confidence, and I know how to adjust my focus.  As you learn, you just have to practice, not judge yourself, and note what works, gently leading self back to the state you are reaching for. The state I am looking for is the flow and being happy. One of the two ingredients for being in Flow is to be happy.

Here’s one practice I do that really helps.  I want to be in the flow. I go outside as early in the day as I can, usually with a cup of hot tea. I sit down in a place where I am very unlikely to be interrupted, and I look and watch. For a while nothing happens.  I take a breath and allow myself to relax a bit more. I observe. I listen.  I hear noises, the train, traffic, and after a while, I might begin to hear bird sounds.  That takes a while, because if I step out onto the deck, in the back, it takes a while for any activity to happen.

As I look at the sky and the trees, and the grass, I find something that I appreciate about this particular day.  Today, it was raining, So I was appreciative for the overhang over the deck. I appreciated the warmth of my two coats, and that the weather was warm enough that I could stay outside today.  I love the cup I use for my tea, and I savor the warmth of holding the cup in my hand.  These are very simple things.  Yesterday, even though it was grey, it was not raining, so I appreciated the rain-free day.

As I appreciate where I am, my focus is on this moment, not on anything about what I am going to do for the day, It is just bringing attention to this moment.  When I find something to appreciate, I almost smile.  That feels good. I try to smile, and that feels even better.

Nature is very soothing to me.  Green is beautiful. I look at the evergreen trees, and the structure of the trees that have lost all their leaves.  Looking at their shape pleases me.  And I smile a little.  And I take a deep breath and relax some more.  I notice that my focus goes just a little diffuse. I am sitting very still.  I am waiting for what I have discovered next.

I notice that as I continue to relax, and stay watching what is happening at this very moment, and feeling the very small pleasures of my body in this moment, I get even quieter, and I go deeper and more relaxed.  I am looking for nothing (yet), but simple seeing what the world has to show me today – which more likely is some kind of animal life.

The more still I am, the more relaxed I am, the better I am feeling. I smile. I wait.  I know that most likely I will see birds.  But they are needing to know I am safe and not a threat. They don’t show up for a while.

As I navigate this time of being outside, I know it is a sacred time, and I don’t usually get impatient. The waiting is part of stilling the mind.  My eyes are active.  I think that is my secret. Observing, my focus is not on what I am thinking, but what I am seeing.  I am comfortable for the most part, I get happy the longer I sit there, and I know that eventually I will see some kind of animal, and then I will feel delight.  They have begun to show me their world, and its a delight.

Today, before I saw any birds, I wondered “What do birds do while it is raining?”  That was the most thought I had, and almost at that moment, a small bird flew into the leafless tree in front of me, landed, and then started shaking off its wings.  I smiled, and savored seeing the bird and what it was doing.  Then I saw more birds, and it was lovely to watch what they were doing.  Soon I began to hear bird calls, and the bird I was watching responded to the call of another bird.  Watching Life in the form of a little bird is intoxicating.

Now, I am no longer aware of how cold it is, or my wet clothes from sitting down on a damp chair, I am captivated by the delight of what I am watching.

While I watch the birds, I am not thinking of anything but the joy of watching them, and I sink deeper into the experience and savor it.

Every day it is different. Yesterday I saw a squirrel working on building a nest, and watched him traverse his highway through the trees.

My heart opens, my mind is quiet, my body is quiet, and I soak up the stillness and the privilege of being alive.

I am more tuned into my own Beingness.

I have created a container in myself of joy and attunement.  I go into my life for the day. I hold bliss to my heart.

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I’m better! How wonderful! I’m happy!! I’ve focused on a food plan for more than a year that has significantly reduced inflammation in my body( a version of the paleo plan). My colon is better. My lungs are much better.

Many, including my GI doctor, thought I was in major suffering because of my diet. It was not suffering. I had been so sick, that nothing was more important than feeling better again. No bowl of ice cream was tempting when I knew that my colon and my physical energy would take over a week to get back to normal.

It was a very simple choice to me. Do I go with a momentary pleasure for sugar, or do I have a whole week of feeling good? No doubt on that choice. I’ll take feeling good most of the time. I experimented from time to time, and every time, I would conclude: Nope, not worth feeling so sluggish that I can barely move for a week.

So that process I have gone through with my health came out of a deep desire to get well. Getting well was way more important than any thing else. Took being in bed for months to be willing to let go sugar in everything.

Took 3 years to make that decision. Once made, however, I had a focus that was unshakeable. The decisions out of that focus were easy. I also had help. The Universe provided a friend who was willing to take me under her wing and show me how to cook on the plan, how to not feel deprived of desserts, and alternative cooking compounds that would support my diet. Way wonderful. I was so grateful.

While I was focusing on getting well, I forgot about being happy. Things got heavy and ponderous. My body was in survival, and I knew it.

Finally, now, I am well enough that I want to recover feeling good emotionally most of the time. I want to hold the stability of well being no matter what is happening in the world, no matter how I feel, no matter how I respond to other people.

My success with my health gives me much confidence that I can begin to build a stable center inside of good feeling thoughts, so that I can tune into well-being and happiness.

It takes as much focus and commitment as the food plan did. Every morning now, I get up and do something that helps me tune into better feelings and thoughts. It’s like looking through a whole new pair of eyes. I will write a few entries on what I am doing, because it is pretty easy; once I made the decision that I was deeply committed to feeling emotionally well. Good to talk with you again. Be well.

Here’s a link to a you tube video I made about Centering, that you might enjoy. Identification Exercise

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