Archive for September, 2016

Resolve

Monday, September 19th, 2016

This has been a year of strong transitional movement. I know a lot of people who are challenged. As these waves of energy cascade, I have had strong reactions and sometimes felt at the mercy of forces beyond my control. Yet there are huge signs of transformation.

The Kiln

This has been a wild year, painful and intense, deeply fatiguing, and finally freeing. I have been terrified that 3 people I hold dear would die. And my sweet 33 year old Melissa did die. The brother to whom I am closest in age has had a heart that has been in flutter for over 16 months. He came to visit in June, and I was grateful to see him one more time.

My own health has been compromised as my two autoimmune disorders have flared and I can’t get them settled down.

Out of all the heat in the kiln of life, I find myself resolving to find a yet new way to live. While I have been saying that my health has been a top priority this last year, my actions have been to keep pushing me just a little further, to keep keeping on because I said I would do it, or I felt compelled to get that task done. I wasn’t always the driver of my own bus (one of my inner family or emotions was- click for more info). Sometimes impatience, and a need to get something accomplished drove my bus, not my more wise patient, compassionate self.

Have you noticed there are lots of people who are being challenged? When in a time where we have no control of the outside forces we can feel hopeless. Not so in charge of my inside forces these past months, it has been a time for me to stop.

The Fire

A sequence of circumstances brought me to a standstill. It took first intense anger to propel me to an inner place where I could allow the intense anger to morph into resolve. I was preparing for a colonoscopy (which I have done many times). They are not pleasant, but I had my tried and true method to get through the preparation. This time it didn’t work. This time my body had a violent reaction to the 12 hours forced cleansing. As I began recovering, I hit pure fury at the inhumane process.

But it turns out that what was inhumane, was my continual pushing my body to perform physical tasks far beyond its capability. So the fury I felt at the medical profession was a mirror to the fury that my body felt to being forced to be a slave to my will. In my imagination, my body was acting like a dog on a leash that finally laid down and would not walk any further because it had no more energy to give.

So no matter my outside commitments or my desires to do those things, I have had to stop.

Immediate Feedback

My body has such a state of depletion that it cannot restore itself. So it is giving me signals. If this doesn’t work for me, then I bleed. If I eat the wrong food, I bleed. If I get stressed, I bleed, if I get over-tired, I bleed. In real time, within the hour, my body gives me red feedback.

When I am this depleted, I am not really giving to others, when I do something that I said I would do. I don’t have the cushion of finess when I talk. I have been at a number of committee meeting, and as I would say my truth, it shaved off their skin as my words whistled by because what I saw and said was delivered with such intensity. That’s not a give to anyone.

So I am having to say no sometimes to things I think would give to me. I had to say no to going to a 4 day training that was two states away. Too much travel and too intense a schedule, my body could not do it. Last night at the last minute, I chose not to go to Chorus practice (I love singing) because I was too tired. When I signed up for chorus this season, I told myself I would just go when I felt really good, and wouldn’t go when I don’t, and if that means I don’t sing in the final concerts, then that’s what it means.

Phoenix Rising

But there is real transformation at work in this time for me. Because I am forced with instant feedback to see what helps and what does not help, I am able to make life changing choices.

I resolved changing the things I can. I resolve to eat on an Autoimmune Food Protocol. Some people put their diseases into remission and even heal themselves. I have the will power and the resolution to stay on that plan.

Eliminating stress is another thing I can change. How? I’m taking a sabbatical from things that create stress for me. I’m re-reading a book called “How We Choose to Be Happy – The 9 choices of Extremely Happy People-their secrets, their stories.” This is a way that “truly happy people make conscious decisions about how they will confront life’s challenges. In the face of sometimes overwhelming circumstances, they create happiness by making the same nine internally driven choices.”

Summary

So I have told you about my horrible, no good awful year 🙂 (like Alexander’s No good, horrible awful day – a delightful children’s book).

I’ve told you a basic response that came out of the pain, fatigue, and feeling powerlessness.

Fury came. Fury delivered the emotional energy that I could morph into resolve.

With it the decision arrived that I will be victim no more.

And a resolve so bone deep that it seared out all the hopelessness and despair and left complete resolve that I will live my life differently no matter what the circumstances. Now that is resolution I want you to know. And although my diseases are still active, I am happy. Bone Deep happy. And I intend to stay that way no matter what.

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Work starts on $871m Dubai e-commerce city - Trade Arabia

Work starts on $871m Dubai e-commerce city Trade Arabia

Dubai Airport Freezone Authority (Dafza) and UAE developer Wasl Asset Management Group said early works have commenced on their ambitious ...

21 Lectures Offers Bitcoin Developer Courses by Schnelli, Decker and Chiang - Bitcoin Magazine

21 Lectures Offers Bitcoin Developer Courses by Schnelli, Decker and Chiang Bitcoin Magazine

Switzerland is an international bitcoin and blockchain mecca, known for its crypto culture and concentration of crypto businesses. Now, it is the new home to 21 ...

First e-commerce site for SMEs, home-based businesses in Dubai to launch soon - Gulf News

First e-commerce site for SMEs, home-based businesses in Dubai to launch soon Gulf News

Got any products to sell but can't afford to set up a business or physical store? This may just be the answer.

Flipkart, Amazon to team up against govts populist e-commerce policy - Business Standard

Flipkart, Amazon to team up against govts populist e-commerce policy Business Standard

Fearing a populist and tilted e-commerce policy, online marketplace giants Flipkart and Amazon are planning to form a united front. Taking the help of industry ...

Walmart’s Online Sales Grew by 33 Percent Amid Aggressive E-Commerce Push - The New York Times

Walmart’s Online Sales Grew by 33 Percent Amid Aggressive E-Commerce Push The New York Times

Online sales in the first quarter of 2018 helped drive Walmart's revenue above analysts' expectations.

Google plans global e-commerce debut from India market - Business Standard

Google plans global e-commerce debut from India market Business Standard

Sundar Pichai-led Google is seriously evaluating getting into e-commerce and India could be the first stop, it is learnt. The launch could coincide with Diwali later ...

Making Money Online: When Is It Smart To Buy An Existing E-Commerce Site? - Forbes Now

Making Money Online: When Is It Smart To Buy An Existing E-Commerce Site? Forbes Now

Make money online! How many times have you seen those words on an email subject line or emblazoned across a piece of clickbait? I don't think I need to tell ...

How China’s new e-commerce law will affect consumers, operators - South China Morning Post

How China’s new e-commerce law will affect consumers, operators South China Morning Post

China's comprehensive e-commerce law, which was passed in August, takes effect on January 1, bringing increased pressure on online retail companies to fight ...

Internet sales tax collection laws gradually taking effect - USA TODAY

Internet sales tax collection laws gradually taking effect USA TODAY

As 2019 approaches, many online retailers are either collecting or preparing to collect sales tax from out-of-state-customers for the first time.