Law of Success: The Untold Secrets

Law of Success:  The Untold Secrets

Archive for December, 2014

Darkness has Purpose

Sunday, December 21st, 2014

Awakening this morning in the dark, I tried to remember the details of a dream, where a woman had amputated her own limbs. The disturbing image made me ask questions. “What is my subconscious trying to tell me?” If the dream woman represented me, what did it mean? I stuck with the unpleasant topic. It is just before Christmas. In fact today is December 21, the shortest day of the year, the Winter Solstice. As each day has ended lately, I have wanted to go to bed after the sun sets.

At a Sunday talk, there were lots of references to the solstice traditions that got piggy-backed by Christmas rituals. The day has reminded me again of the darkness that is natural. “In the dark you see what you have not been looking for (Requium).” Greta Crosby wrote “Let us not wish away winter. It is a season to itself, not simply the way to spring.”

So in the last darkness of morning on this darkest day of the year, I asked my self questions about what I was feeling. After some reflection, I found some depression. “About what,” I asked. With some deeper probing, up floated the recognition that I’m missing my family nest traditions of celebrating with my children. They are grown with their own lives which may or may not include times together. In the spirit of the holidays, I had tucked that ache deeply away (amputated it if you will).

Earlier in the week, I had been researching the topic of aging. Again I tucked the uncomfortable feelings about my own aging away, feelings that needed to be seen, acknowledged and honored.

I did not realize I was depressed, I had to get a wake-up call from my dreams.

On this Solstice day, I am reminded from within and without that dark and light are important. Joys and sorrows are part of life. It is okay to be positive, and look at how we can grow from our experiences. It is okay to hold space for the dark. It part of the human experience to have sad feelings, nostalgic experiences. People do die. Wonderful children can inherit a gene that passes along an incurable disease. Life stages come and go. What a family was 20 years ago may look very different now.

I was telling my daughter in one of our daily talks (which I would much rather have – than a holiday visit), that one of the things I most valued about myself was my willingness to feel both my positive and negative feelings and hold space for them and be OK with them. It is easy for me to jokingly tell someone “I am grouchy today,” and in the telling the energy disperses. Being more vulnerable to myself and to others to acknowledge that I feel sad that my body is not as healthy and agile as it was, is deeper.

I think of these feelings as compost for the psyche. I want good rich soil for when I want to grow something new. So as I go about merry-making during these festive times of year, I remind myself that my own aches and griefs are similar to the onion peels I discarded this morning as we prepared a spinach omelet for breakfast. With each meal that is prepared, there are layers that are peeled away from the vegetables that go into the compost bin, having served their purpose; to protect the wonderful heart of the vegetable during the growing process. Rather than think about them as scraps, we could be treasuring them for the vitality they will add back to the soil.

All of me is needed, not just the juicy upbeat desire for success. As I embrace and honor those other aspects and feelings of myself, (my regrets, my missings, my sadnesses, yearnings, wishing things were a little different) I make space for them. Then they are acknowledged and in the ritual of recognition and acceptance, I effortlessly move on to something else, with more depth and dimension to my being.

It may not be easy to wait in the dark, but if I don’t judge it, or push it, but be with it in the present moment, transformation will occur somehow. In Sweet Darkness David Whyte wrote. “The night will give you a horizon further than you can see.. Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.

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