Monday, February 11th, 2019
A dear friend got very intrigued about opening a frozen yogurt shop in her small town. She did the research, got her husband on board, looked for locations, and choked just before she made the complete investment in this new business, and turned to her tried and true connection, her animal friends. Her husband dreams of being a semi-truck driver because he wants the freedom from supporting the family financially. He wants to get on the road and travel. Be away from bosses, and work obligations. Neither has reached the point where they are so hungry for happiness and success that they have found a way to change.
Two of my neighbors really want to be svelte and gorgeous. They struggle with their weight and their diet. One neighbor has been in a relationship that has been on again, off again during the whole time I known her. She describes that relationship as both very supportive and very abusive. She too threw herself into the relationship with her wonderful dog, until that dog passed away. Her new dog has challenged her to the max.
My son broke up with his girlfriend in December, and she immediately started dating a male friend with whom she had been dancing in a play. In January, he got laid off by the tech company in which he had invested 60 – 80 hours weeks. He was so tired and discouraged that he needed nine months to recover physically, before he could look for a new job and a new relationship. During that time, he was able to get clear. He wanted to move from the very small town in Vermont, be in a larger place where he would have opportunities to meet new friends and new work opportunities and not see his ex-girlfriends every time he went downtown.
He was exceedingly hungry for change. It came out of the adversity of his life. It made him hungry for happiness. Hungry for a different kind of success.
It took time. He took the time to focus on his food, and lose weight. He began to change his image. Imagine a 30-something male taking time to develop a hairstyle, skin regimens, and go through his wardrobe to really look his best. It was so fun to watch. And grueling for him. There was no guarantee any of it would pay off during his nine-months of not knowing what he would do next.
He now lives in Manhattan, across the street from where he works, on a less trafficked street where there is not as much noise. That’s important because he is a one of those people who has sleep issues. He’s got a job that he got easily. It came out of his hunger for change, and taking inspired actions. His hunger for success that wouldn’t hurt him and his body propelled him into living in a new way, and it has been amazing to watch.
I too am very hungry for change. I got very sick during the last five months. Lost my autonomy. My daughter had to come live with me, drive me everywhere, do grocery shopping, cook for me, do my laundry. And that is hard on our relationship. It scared me deeply. My huge hunger for my autonomy has propelled me to take longer and longer walks to build up my strength, and climb stairs. It has made me hungry to fix my own meals in the morning, which might be gluten free toast and eggs. It has made me hungry to really change my life core deep pattern that I have been carrying.
I was reading my September journal recently, and was blown away to see an entry where I was just so angry with so many things, and my guidance (to whom I was writing) said “well, you may just need to really experience being a victim, to really get this.” What?
My coach who has been working with me to help overcome life-long patterns and beliefs helped me identify that my core life pattern has been based on being a victim to circumstances, especially circumstances that I was born into. Circumstances that create survival and contracting. In January, my coach was asking me a really hard question. “Why are you not being able to drop this victim identification? You have cleaned up so many patterns, what is it that is still stuck?”
Grappling with that question really helped me understand how I got into this current health situation. I am a super-sensitive person. That gives me some wonderful strengths. It also makes me vulnerable to what other people think of me. Because of this I have had some really challenging times doing what is in my own best interests, and instead try to do what is expected of me. Here where I live, and with my pet-sitting clients that became particularly hard in October, when a client wanted to leave her brain-damaged husband in my care. I was able to state my concerns, but she left without getting them resolved. The result was that I needed to intervene with his family and then I got ill as a result. I was supersensitive, tried to be too nice, and didn’t take care of myself. So I created a circumstance where I got to live out once again being a victim to circumstance and learned the huge consequence to my health.
Now; from a much bigger (dragon’s eye view) perspective; I see that I got myself into a situation where I really became hungry enough to burst out of this major life identification, and I chose to get ill so that I could build the hunger deep enough to propel me past the blocks, past the reluctance to change that status quo, past all the gobbledygook that my small self throws out, and past all the resistance that would come up when I tried to change this core life issue.
Simultaneously that Universe gave me the opportunity to understand better how I got into this life-long pattern of being on the Victim, Perpetrator, Rescuer platform, where most of humanity hangs out. And how this Highly Sensitive Person Syndrome (surviving when the world overwhelms you) and my Active Alert Temperament are all related and have set up my body for this autoimmune condition I have been experiencing once again. I wrote a blog entry in 2016 called Resolve where I publicly resolve to change this core pattern and look at these temperament characteristics. That was just as I was beginning work with my coach. Finding that blog entry is another sign. Looking for Signs from the Universe is so important. Thank heavens I can finally have some larger perspective.
Because I was so hungry and driven to be able to answer my coach’s questions, I serendipitously ran across the book “The Deepest Well: Healing The Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity.” I needed to understand why I was having so much trouble. I like knowing. That birthed my last Post called Success and Acute Childhood Adversity.”
Knowing this research about Acute Childhood Trauma is a huge missing piece about the human condition and about my human and body condition. In the reviews on Amazon, there were a number of people who couldn’t read or listen to the book because the research did not make them hopeful, nor was there a lot of practical guidance about coping. But in the one of the five star reviews, writer and counselor Lucille Zimmerman who has done her own five years of research with this group wrote “Trauma can be the springboard that catapults people into higher and better ways of functioning than before. In spite of the pain and suffering, the trauma actually ends up giving some people an advantage in life.”
It actually can give you the huge hunger to change your life. When you are hungry to change, you can go past the barriers of self-doubt, and old ways of seeing and believing. It can give you the huge motivation to go beyond your deepest resistance.
It took me three years to get hungry enough to change my diet in a major way. I dropped sugar and alcohol, and other inflammation producing foods like dairy. And it has been pretty easy to stay on that plan, because the hunger for health and wellness was way bigger than the value of what I would get by having a piece of strawberry shortcake.
What is it that you are really hungry for? Hunger gives you a Burning Desire. Hunger gives you a Burning Goal. Your own largest self is calling you. It’s telling you what you are ready to do next. Looking for success for most of us is really looking for ways to be happy, and ways to step into our strengths and our best and largest ways of contributing. I am here to tell you that your own guidance and intuition is always there supporting you to find your way into your larger growth.
Sometimes we can’t hear the message, because our vision of ourselves has shrunk. And that might be a reason to reach out to someone like a coach who can hold the larger vision of you, help you see the bigger picture, and help you translate your hunger into an inspired action plan. We’ll talk about that in an upcoming blog. For today, you can ask the question of yourself, what is it that I am really hungry for?
Am I hungry for hope, am I hungry for the job of my dreams, and am I hungry for connection to deal with this immense loneliness that I feel inside? Am I hungry to have financial success because I am drowning in debt? Am I hungry to have the freedom to live my life the way I want, and it’s hard to be a parent, or have a partner or a family that I am having to support? Am I hungry to be healthy because I have chronic conditions like diabetes, asthma, chronic fatigue syndrome, heart conditions or something that is really debilitating my ability to enjoy my life? Am I hungry to express my creativity through art, painting, singing, sculpture, dancing, pottery, or some other way such as writing?
We are in times of change. Our hunger can tell us the direction of the change we are moving in. It can give us the powerful intention and motivation to change and be a success.
Blocks to Success, Burning Desire, Dreams, Happiness, Intention, Motivation, Resolve, Ride the Wild Dragon, Success, Success Stories, Synchronicity, When You are Down, When You Forget | Comments (0)
Saturday, June 23rd, 2018
If there has been a focus in this blog during the last ten years, it has been “How can I live my life sublimely, in my greatest self, aligned and tuned in? That is what I have concluded from my life experience. To be happy, to be full of well-being, to act in the world in an inspired way, to be successful, whole, healthy and wise; then there was a state of being that I aspired to. I have spent an entire life trying to find the way to move out of my painful patterns of reaction, into a mode where I choose who I am, rather than be the Reaction to my Outward Environment.
Last night I remembered a beautiful moment in my life when that fullness of being, that connection with Life happened and it was magical. I was 26 or so, attending a Sid Simon workshop on Values Clarification (which was really a personal growth workshop – but for me, it was spiritual). We continually affirmed each other. We were constantly in pairs, looking into each other’s eyes for 2 minutes, answering the question that Sid asked us to speak about, and then with loving humor, we would feed back to that person something we absolutely adored about them (just from that 2 minute interaction). It was profound for the young woman I was who was so starved for positive feedback.
On the last night (a Thursday) we had a talent show which lasted until 3:00 am. At 4:00 am we all loaded into cars and drove out to Miami Beach to watch the sun rise.
I think the sun rose for the majestic first in my life metaphorically. As I sat on my meditation bench, full from the experience with 40 – 50 people appreciating each other, I watched the sky lighten. I was so full. My heart soared. My spirit was peaceful. As the sun began to sliver above the horizon, my soul began to sing. I moved into the most profound connection that I have ever experienced. My cells sang with exuberant joy. I was completely a part of all that is. I was the sky, I was the moon, I was the water, I was the sand. I was the wave, I was the ginormous awareness bigger than a personal self could ever be. I wept with joy. I was called to celebrate this incredible beautiful experience we call life by dancing with arms raised into the water.
That time felt endless. There was no time. There was no space, there was only joyous communion.
There is so much more to this story. Miraculous things happened which I will save for another time.
Today, I am sitting in a study, writing, looking out onto the beautiful world, just having returned from an incredible event in Nanaimo Canada called The Science and Spirituality Conference. From Wednesday June 13 till Wednesday June 20, I travelled and soaked up the human wisdom that some people I greatly admire have generated from their life’s work; Gregg Braden, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Lynne McTaggart, Dr. Bruce Lipton, and Lee Carroll. I feel today as I felt that gorgeous Friday morning in Miami. Truly blissful, connected to Oneness.
Together 1500 people along with the staff and the presenters, created a field of connection and possibility that has allowed me to feel like dancing with joy, as I did in the Atlantic waters. Now some 40 years+ I am bathing in the waters of my soul while living next to and visiting the waters of the Pacific.
I have aspired to a State of Being where my personal self is aligned with my Source Self. I am feeling as though I have asked and asked and asked, and finally the universe has given me far more than I ever could have anticipated.
The three months leading up to the conference helped me anchor my intention. It also allowed some deep processes that cleared the obstructions that kept me mired in reaction. Unpleasant they were, but I embrace them so excitedly because they freed me to go to the conference free of expectation, free of trying to get what I needed, free from trying to take what I wanted out of desperation, and move to a state of appreciation of myself for going, appreciation for the staff for creating this miraculous event, and the appreciation of and wonder of that many people coming together of like mind.
I feel as though I have circled again into that state of bliss and oneness that led to miracles. But the state of Being In Oneness is so compelling, that I am so happy to just be here in this moment, in this time, still connected to that incredible field of Quantum Possibility, the Divine, the Matrix, Source, none of which really names even closely what the experience is.
How powerful. We are living in such wonderful times. They can be uncomfortable, but such a huge state of shift is happening. And we are a part of it. LIFE IS GOOD!
What an amazing journey life is! I feel like I have spent all my life coming to this point in the here in now, where I finally can be the me that I came here to be. I stand on the cusp of a fascinating birthday – one which I have faced in the past with quite a bit of trepidation.
Now, I am so excited to see what the next 30 or 40 years brings. Thank you for joining this journey with me.
Aliveness, Burning Desire, Choice, Flow, Happiness, Inspiration, Intention, Meditation, Possibility, State | Comments (0)
Monday, September 19th, 2016
This has been a year of strong transitional movement. I know a lot of people who are challenged. As these waves of energy cascade, I have had strong reactions and sometimes felt at the mercy of forces beyond my control. Yet there are huge signs of transformation.
The Kiln
This has been a wild year, painful and intense, deeply fatiguing, and finally freeing. I have been terrified that 3 people I hold dear would die. And my sweet 33 year old Melissa did die. The brother to whom I am closest in age has had a heart that has been in flutter for over 16 months. He came to visit in June, and I was grateful to see him one more time.
My own health has been compromised as my two autoimmune disorders have flared and I can’t get them settled down.
Out of all the heat in the kiln of life, I find myself resolving to find a yet new way to live. While I have been saying that my health has been a top priority this last year, my actions have been to keep pushing me just a little further, to keep keeping on because I said I would do it, or I felt compelled to get that task done. I wasn’t always the driver of my own bus (one of my inner family or emotions was- click for more info). Sometimes impatience, and a need to get something accomplished drove my bus, not my more wise patient, compassionate self.
Have you noticed there are lots of people who are being challenged? When in a time where we have no control of the outside forces we can feel hopeless. Not so in charge of my inside forces these past months, it has been a time for me to stop.
The Fire
A sequence of circumstances brought me to a standstill. It took first intense anger to propel me to an inner place where I could allow the intense anger to morph into resolve. I was preparing for a colonoscopy (which I have done many times). They are not pleasant, but I had my tried and true method to get through the preparation. This time it didn’t work. This time my body had a violent reaction to the 12 hours forced cleansing. As I began recovering, I hit pure fury at the inhumane process.
But it turns out that what was inhumane, was my continual pushing my body to perform physical tasks far beyond its capability. So the fury I felt at the medical profession was a mirror to the fury that my body felt to being forced to be a slave to my will. In my imagination, my body was acting like a dog on a leash that finally laid down and would not walk any further because it had no more energy to give.
So no matter my outside commitments or my desires to do those things, I have had to stop.
Immediate Feedback
My body has such a state of depletion that it cannot restore itself. So it is giving me signals. If this doesn’t work for me, then I bleed. If I eat the wrong food, I bleed. If I get stressed, I bleed, if I get over-tired, I bleed. In real time, within the hour, my body gives me red feedback.
When I am this depleted, I am not really giving to others, when I do something that I said I would do. I don’t have the cushion of finess when I talk. I have been at a number of committee meeting, and as I would say my truth, it shaved off their skin as my words whistled by because what I saw and said was delivered with such intensity. That’s not a give to anyone.
So I am having to say no sometimes to things I think would give to me. I had to say no to going to a 4 day training that was two states away. Too much travel and too intense a schedule, my body could not do it. Last night at the last minute, I chose not to go to Chorus practice (I love singing) because I was too tired. When I signed up for chorus this season, I told myself I would just go when I felt really good, and wouldn’t go when I don’t, and if that means I don’t sing in the final concerts, then that’s what it means.
Phoenix Rising
But there is real transformation at work in this time for me. Because I am forced with instant feedback to see what helps and what does not help, I am able to make life changing choices.
I resolved changing the things I can. I resolve to eat on an Autoimmune Food Protocol. Some people put their diseases into remission and even heal themselves. I have the will power and the resolution to stay on that plan.
Eliminating stress is another thing I can change. How? I’m taking a sabbatical from things that create stress for me. I’m re-reading a book called “How We Choose to Be Happy – The 9 choices of Extremely Happy People-their secrets, their stories.” This is a way that “truly happy people make conscious decisions about how they will confront life’s challenges. In the face of sometimes overwhelming circumstances, they create happiness by making the same nine internally driven choices.”
Summary
So I have told you about my horrible, no good awful year 🙂 (like Alexander’s No good, horrible awful day – a delightful children’s book).
I’ve told you a basic response that came out of the pain, fatigue, and feeling powerlessness.
Fury came. Fury delivered the emotional energy that I could morph into resolve.
With it the decision arrived that I will be victim no more.
And a resolve so bone deep that it seared out all the hopelessness and despair and left complete resolve that I will live my life differently no matter what the circumstances. Now that is resolution I want you to know. And although my diseases are still active, I am happy. Bone Deep happy. And I intend to stay that way no matter what.
Other Related Posts
To Flow or Not to Flow That is the Question
Victim, Perpetrator, Rescuer or Empowered?
Life Flame and the Law of Success
Control Your Attention Secret Key # 11 to the Law of Success
What Two Ingredients Put you into Flow?
Transformation (includes The Gifts of Adversity)
Burning Desire, Choice, Happiness, Life Force, Personal Initiative, Resolve, When You are Down | Comments (0)
Tuesday, February 10th, 2015
These last three months, I have not been in Flow. Before I tell you about the two special ingredients of Flow, which I am so glad I remembered I want to tell you my journey.
My consciousness has been getting more alert and I feel I can see more. Some truly spectacular things have been happening for me, and yet it has been a very jerky ride. One day things are great. The next day, or moment, things are upside down again.
Usually, when I am in the flow, my life feels magical. Reality seems to actually become pliable. This life these last three months? Not so much. Yet I have made huge strides in clarity, self-confidence, boundaries, speaking my truth, and the most wonderful thing is that I have dropped a huge amount of reactivity. I am more authentic, powerful, and straightforward. And with this empowerment a few darker areas of my consciousness came to light.
These High Octane Times
Here’s what I’m thinking. We are in times when things are shifting big time. If you can stay tuned in, tapped in, turned on to life, your awareness will expand and you see multiple dimensions of possibility.
But making this shift is a challenge. Whatever is not alive and awake comes up and grabs you and says “Wake up!” It is not fun getting those wake up calls. But the potential is phenomenal and the energy is here for us to transform exponentially. The energy will propel us forward powerfully. Of course when we hit a snag, it feels like running into a tree when we have been going 100 miles an hour.
For a while in this high octane energy field, I got lost in some depression, some nostalgia during the holidays, and having poor health for at two months.
So what did I do? I read, relaxed, tried to get well, and worked my emotional process. I got somewhat lost in the feelings, though I trusted the process and knew it would lead me forward.
Remembering at Last
This morning I was inspired to relisten to a seven minute video Vishen Lahkiani, CEO of a personal growth company called MindValley. He reminded me of those essential ingredients to the state of flow and four states of mind in his video Flow, The Paradox of Intention and Four States of Mind. I thought you might enjoy his perspective.
Four States of Mind
Vishen identifies these four states of those people who are business owners and follow the Law of Attraction. Vishen has developed this concept over a couple of years and says the Flow is the 4th step. Here is a description of each state, and the name I call them.
1. Misery or Survival
You are completely unhappy right now –
2. Comfort of Current Reality.
You are happy, content, but you have no vision. ‘Let’s all hang out in Bliss.’ –
3. Stress and Anxiety
You have great dream and visions, but unhappy because they are not there yet –
4. Flow
When you are happy now, you have a vision and are happy with the journey –
While I was working my process, I had gotten lost in the Stress and Anxiety State of Mind. And sometimes that’s just natural. I was looking at a core pattern that I want to transform. This pattern has deep roots, has operated for my lifetime, and had a very dark piece that came into being to protect an innocent child.
This journey into Stress and Anxiety was an intentional act of courage to look at a core wound I have so that I can transmute this pattern and restore my connection with “Who I really Am.” I just got bogged down in the survival vibrations along the way.
Two Ingredients to Flow
So what are the two ingredients to restore myself to Flow? According to Vishen I need to:
Be happy now (before I reach my dream).
Have the vision of where I am headed.
So happiness is part of the journey not the destination. This balancing of happiness right in this moment, while aspiring for something we want or are dreaming about is something Esther Hicks calls The Gap in the Law of Attraction work.
Vishen is saying “Get rid of Stress and Anxiety while you are on the journey.” And that my friends are what we are called to do right now in these times. It is not always easy, but it is incredibly fulfilling. See Journeying Through the Gap.
Ways to Stay Happy
We need to put systems in place to help us be happy along the way. Here is Vishen’s list of practices to keep ourselves happy. I link to past blog entries that are my input on these practices.
1. Meditation.
Meditate into a New State of Being
Meditate. Why?
2. Guided Visualization –
Imagination and the Law of Success
Prosperity Secret of 17 Seconds.
3. Intention Setting. Esther Hicks calls this process Segment Intending. You can set an intention for this moment, this day, this year, or this particular segment of time – like when you pick up a phone call.
Setting Daily Intention
Prosperity Secrets to Create Your Day
4. Inspirational Readings or videos:
Inspirational Practices
Personalized Inspirational Quotes
Flow or Not to Flow, That is the Question
6. Gratitude
Gratitude Inspirational Quotes
Recognize Signs the Universe Delivers
Remembering and Forgetting
So now I am reminded that I just went down the emotional scale temporarily (even if part of it was on purpose), got lost in a survival state of mind. I ‘m reminded of the practices that I can take to restore my equilibrium. Here are some resources
Survival Thinking
Raise your Vibration and Go Up the Emotional Scale
Survival and Contracting
Dreams and Survival Thinking
Vision
Dare to Dream
Vision and the Law of Success
State
Understanding Your State
Shift Your State
Meditate to a New State
Journeying through the Gap
Happiness
Law of Success Strategies
The Secret to Optimism, Success, Positive Attitude, and Being Happy
Flow
To Flow or Not to Flow, That is the Question
Flowing or Bumping
Last month I worked on my Vision Board for 2015. So I am very clear about my vision this year. I just had forgotten to be happy along the way (even though it is on my Vision Board). I’m reminding myself about ways to go back to being happy. Counting my blessing always makes me feel better.
This journey of living and becoming more conscious is a constant growing and then rebalancing process and sometimes we forget along the way. It’s just natural. And now that I’ve finished this essay, I realize that I knew all this all the time – just as you do too. We’re just human beings doing the best we can. We are constantly Remembering and Forgetting.
Bridging the Gap, Flow, Gratitude, Happiness, Intention, Law of Attraction, Meditation, Optimism, State, Strategies, Vibration, Vision, When You are Down, When You Forget | Comments (2)
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