Law of Success: The Untold Secrets

Law of Success:  The Untold Secrets

Archive for the Category 'Choice'

Happiness Before Success

Saturday, March 16th, 2019

Many of us chase Success in order to become happy and fulfilled. The formula that was taught by schools, parents, the company we work for, or society says ‘If you work hard, you will be successful and then you will be happy.’ Almost two decades of research indicates this isn’t true.

Putting on a happy face is not what we are talking about here. Happiness is “learning how to cultivate the mindset and behaviors that have been proven to fuel greater success and fulfillment. It is a work ethic.” (Shawn Achor in The Happiness Advantage) Imagine! Happiness being a work ethic!

Not only does being happy improve relationships, performance, your health, and enables you to live longer, but it causes success and achievement. You’ve heard of the flight or fight response. Positive Psychology research has found that happiness has an evolutionary contribution that is called “Broaden and Build” (instead of shrink, freeze or flee). When our mindset or mood is positive we are more motivated, more creative, smarter, and more successful.

Negative emotions narrow our options and actions. Positive emotions opens us up to possibilities, allows us to think more creatively, become more motivated, and open to new ideas. “They help us build more intellectual, social, and physical resources we can rely on in the future (Achor).” Not only can we think better, we can also see more!!!!! We can physically see more, process more visual stimulation, and actually expand our peripheral vision when we have a positive mindset, or a burst of positive emotion. This is powerful data! I’ve been saying on this blog that scarcity consciousness contracts and optimism and thriving helps us expand. Now data shows that it actually does exactly that.

A couple of examples. Students who were told to think of the happiest days of their lives just before an exam out performed those people who didn’t think positive thoughts. A study using experienced doctors looking at descriptions of symptoms were able to get to an accurate diagnosis twice as fast as the control group. The thing that made them happy? They were given a piece of candy for no reason (but did not eat it) just before starting their analysis.

Guess what else it does? Positive emotions help undo stress and anxiety! This allows us to improve our focus, and function at a higher ability. If you are needing to perform for example on a presentation thinking of successful times that you have already presented, or imagining your presentation going well, or watching a video that uplifts you or gives you a smile, will allow you to make a better presentation.

When we give ourselves quick positive boosts, we can function better in the moment. When we do this over time, we raise our baseline of happiness. What we want to do is develop a list of activities, thoughts that can give us a quick boost, or remember times that makes us smile. A short humorous video clip, listening to a favorite song, petting your dog, having a quick conversation with a friend, cleaning your bathroom or kitchen, are things you might do to lift your spirits and give yourself an enormous boost in performance.

Shawn Achor gives a list of suggested things to do which give us a quick boost of positive emotions which can help us change and lift our mindset. Over time, if we do this, we raise our happiness set point.

  1. Meditate
  2. Find Something to Look forward to. (Put something on your calendar that you can have the pleasure of anticipating.
  3. Commit Conscious Acts of Kindness (giving to friends and or strangers decreases stress and raises your mood)
  4. Put things in your surroundings that bring you pleasure – like pictures of family near your computer at work.
  5. Spending time outside improves your mood, improves working memory, and broadens your thinking.
  6. Perhaps watching less TV, especially violent media. Psychologists have found that people who watch less TV are more accurate judges of risks and rewards, because they are less likely to see sensationalized or one-sided sources of information.
  7. Exercise. One study show that 3 groups of depressed people were studied. One was given antidepressants, and the second group was asked to exercise 45 minutes 3 times a week, and the third was a combination of both. All 3 groups showed similar improvements after 4 months. After 6 months, of the medication alone group, 38% had relapsed back into depression. The exercise only group only had a relapse factor of 9%. Exercise any way you want, because it gives you a long lasting effect.
  8. Go to activities like concerts, group dinners out or spend money on someone else.
  9. Exercise a Signature Strength. We are all good at a number of things. Whenever we do the things that we are good at, we experience a boost of positivity. You can take a survey at www.viasurvey.org to find out what your top five strengths are. The 24 character strengths that are assessed are the ones most contributing to human flourishing.
  10. While Achor did not list this, two posts ago, I listed writing into your book of positive aspects as something to do at the beginning of each day. Today, I am amending that to make a list of recent things that have made your smile or feel really good. And keep adding to it, because when you are not happy, you will not remember these things.

My friend Nisha told me today that our brains are wired to loop again and again with a playlist of how to stay safe (from our survival training of watch out for bears, lions, and tigers, or falling off cliffs). Smiles, and positive thoughts don’t make that playlist. That is why we have to consciously choose to reach for better feeling thoughts and experiences. I am hunching that this is what Dr. Achor meant when he suggest happiness is a work ethic.

So I was feeling down when I started reading The Happiness Advantage, and was so refreshed to read about the research that shows how remarkably reaching for a better feeling thought, a better feeling experience helps us to be successful in our lives, in our relationships, in our work, in our performance, in our earning ability. Being conscious about where we are emotionally pays great dividends.

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LIFE IS GOOD

Saturday, June 23rd, 2018

 

If there has been a focus in this blog during the last ten years, it has been “How can I live my life sublimely, in my greatest self, aligned and tuned in?  That is what I have concluded from my life experience. To be happy, to be full of well-being, to act in the world in an inspired way, to be successful, whole, healthy and wise; then there was a state of being that I aspired to.  I have spent an entire life trying to find the way to move out of my painful patterns of reaction, into a mode where I choose who I am, rather than be the Reaction to my Outward Environment.

Last night I remembered a beautiful moment in my life when that fullness of being, that connection with Life happened and it was magical.  I was 26 or so, attending a Sid Simon workshop on Values Clarification (which was really a personal growth workshop – but for me, it was spiritual). We continually affirmed each other.  We were constantly in pairs, looking into each other’s eyes for 2 minutes, answering the question that Sid asked us to speak about, and then with loving humor, we would feed back to that person something we absolutely adored about them (just from that 2 minute interaction).  It was profound for the young woman I was who was so starved for positive feedback.

On the last night (a Thursday) we had a talent show which lasted until 3:00 am. At 4:00 am we all loaded into cars and drove out to Miami Beach to watch the sun rise.

I think the sun rose for the  majestic first in my life metaphorically.  As I sat on my meditation bench, full from the experience with 40 – 50 people appreciating each other, I watched the sky lighten.  I was so full.  My heart soared. My spirit was peaceful.  As the sun began to sliver above the horizon, my soul began to sing. I moved into the most profound connection that I have ever experienced.  My cells sang with exuberant joy.  I was completely a part of all that is. I was the sky, I was the moon, I was the water, I was the sand. I was the wave, I was the ginormous awareness bigger than a personal self could ever be.  I wept with joy. I was called to celebrate this incredible beautiful experience we call life by dancing with arms raised into the water.

That time felt endless. There was no time. There was no space, there was only joyous communion.

There is so much more to this story.  Miraculous things happened which I will save for another time.

Today, I am sitting in a study, writing, looking out onto the beautiful world, just having returned from an incredible event in Nanaimo Canada called The Science and Spirituality Conference.  From Wednesday June 13 till Wednesday June 20, I travelled and soaked up the human wisdom that some people I greatly admire have generated from their life’s work; Gregg Braden, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Lynne McTaggart, Dr. Bruce Lipton, and Lee Carroll.  I feel today as I felt that gorgeous Friday morning in Miami. Truly blissful, connected to Oneness.

Together 1500 people along with the staff and the presenters, created a field of connection and possibility that has allowed me to feel like dancing with joy, as I did in the Atlantic waters. Now some 40 years+ I am bathing in the waters of my soul while living next to and visiting the waters of the Pacific.

I have aspired to a State of Being where my personal self is aligned with my Source Self.  I am feeling as though I have asked and asked and asked, and finally the universe has given me far more than I ever could have anticipated.

The three months leading up to the conference helped me anchor my intention.  It also allowed some deep processes that cleared the obstructions that kept me mired in reaction.  Unpleasant they were, but I embrace them so excitedly because they freed me to go to the conference free of expectation, free of trying to get what I needed, free from trying to take what I wanted out of desperation, and move to a state of appreciation of myself for going, appreciation for the staff for creating this miraculous event, and the appreciation of and wonder of that many people coming together of like mind.

I feel as though I have circled again into that state of bliss and oneness that led to miracles.  But the state of Being In Oneness is so compelling, that I am so happy to just be here in this moment, in this time, still connected to that incredible field of Quantum Possibility, the Divine, the Matrix, Source, none of which really names even closely what the experience is.

How powerful.  We are living in such wonderful times.  They can be uncomfortable, but such a huge state of shift is happening.  And we are a part of it. LIFE IS GOOD!

What an amazing journey life is!  I feel like I have spent all my life coming to this point in the here in now, where I finally can be the me that I came here to be.  I stand on the cusp of a fascinating birthday – one which I have faced in the past with quite a bit of trepidation.

Now, I am so excited to see what the next 30 or 40 years brings.  Thank you for joining this journey with me.

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Daily Meditation is Essential

Thursday, May 03rd, 2018

My life has revolutionized itself in the last 60 days. I have taken up the practice of a certain type of meditation. It has become the highest priority in my life. Every day, that half hour of meditation is more important than anything else.

I have been meditating for at least 48 years, in some fashion. What’s so special about what I am doing now? Nothing! The fact that I am doing it every day is what is special. It is turning my life around.

All of my adult life I have wanted a stable center that I can count on. The older I have gotten, the more important it has become. I am a strong personality, but also a very intuitive and sensitive person. I often have felt in the past that I lived on the top of the sea where the waves collided and crashed, and my life in a small boat was mostly reactive. I have asked many years for a way to become my own stable base to be anchored into the still waters of the deep.

Finally, after starting this practice which I created myself (no, it’s not eastern meditation), I am on fire with energy, with happiness, and with a deep connection to my own stable base. Holy Smoke!

Over the last 10 years I have written in this blog many times about meditation. Two years ago I started a kind of meditation that had me sit outside and just be. It’s wonderful. You can read about it in Receptively Tuning in. I still love it, and still use it.

In Meditate to a New State of Being I write about yet another style of meditation of becoming soft while looking into the flame of a wood stove. I have a style of meditative writing I have been doing for more than 35 years which I describe in “Tap Your Wisdom.” I use prayer as a meditation as well as imagery. One of my most favorite techniques I call 17 seconds which I embrace in “Prosperity Success Secret of 17 Seconds.” Meditation is not new to this blog. I have written a category of entries about acquiring a State of Being where you can be your best self, and tap into success and the flow of life.

This blog began as an exploration of the Law of Success. It gravitated over time to talk about the Art of Creation of your success by tapping into your Source Self (the law of attraction). To create the magnified results we want, I have concluded we have to lift our vibration, integrate the various aspects of our self, and align into a state of flow and joy. Often we send very mixed signals to the universe. Getting those signals cohesive is important and can only be done in a certain state of being. The brief description offered in The Art of Connecting with the Power of Creation might help.

That’s a short summary of what I have written to you these last many years. After all this time, I feel like I have made another breakthrough, and it came as a result of the pain of the dark night of the soul that I lived through from January through early March of this year resisting the call of my sublime self. I had a ‘come to Jesus’ moment with my inner wisdom and told it how I really felt, and two days later I sat down, meditated, and my life began to change and blossom. I can’t wait to tell you more.

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Tuning in or Focusing

Saturday, November 25th, 2017

I’m better! How wonderful! I’m happy!! I’ve focused on a food plan for more than a year that has significantly reduced inflammation in my body( a version of the paleo plan). My colon is better. My lungs are much better.

Many, including my GI doctor, thought I was in major suffering because of my diet. It was not suffering. I had been so sick, that nothing was more important than feeling better again. No bowl of ice cream was tempting when I knew that my colon and my physical energy would take over a week to get back to normal.

It was a very simple choice to me. Do I go with a momentary pleasure for sugar, or do I have a whole week of feeling good? No doubt on that choice. I’ll take feeling good most of the time. I experimented from time to time, and every time, I would conclude: Nope, not worth feeling so sluggish that I can barely move for a week.

So that process I have gone through with my health came out of a deep desire to get well. Getting well was way more important than any thing else. Took being in bed for months to be willing to let go sugar in everything.

Took 3 years to make that decision. Once made, however, I had a focus that was unshakeable. The decisions out of that focus were easy. I also had help. The Universe provided a friend who was willing to take me under her wing and show me how to cook on the plan, how to not feel deprived of desserts, and alternative cooking compounds that would support my diet. Way wonderful. I was so grateful.

While I was focusing on getting well, I forgot about being happy. Things got heavy and ponderous. My body was in survival, and I knew it.

Finally, now, I am well enough that I want to recover feeling good emotionally most of the time. I want to hold the stability of well being no matter what is happening in the world, no matter how I feel, no matter how I respond to other people.

My success with my health gives me much confidence that I can begin to build a stable center inside of good feeling thoughts, so that I can tune into well-being and happiness.

It takes as much focus and commitment as the food plan did. Every morning now, I get up and do something that helps me tune into better feelings and thoughts. It’s like looking through a whole new pair of eyes. I will write a few entries on what I am doing, because it is pretty easy; once I made the decision that I was deeply committed to feeling emotionally well. Good to talk with you again. Be well.

Here’s a link to a you tube video I made about Centering, that you might enjoy. Identification Exercise

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Victim No More

Monday, October 10th, 2016

With it the decision arrived that I will be victim no more.

“And a resolve so bone deep that it seared out all the hopelessness and despair and left complete resolve that I will live my life differently no matter what the circumstances. Now that is resolution I want you to know. And although my diseases are still active, I am happy. Bone Deep happy. And I intend to stay that way no matter what.”

That’s how my last post ended. I wrote it Sept 16, 2016. Resolve is a powerful thing. Its going to take a book to write about how I arrived at that place of resolve. But I want to share it with you. It is so important.

My food plan is going great. Rarely am I really tempted to eat something off my plan. It’s called the AutoImmune Protocol. Very interesting and great. I am eating good meat and seafood, cooked vegetables, and fruit. Anything else is no go: no dairy, no nuts, no grains, no eggs, no nightshade (like tomatoes and potatoes). Here’s what’s happening. My lung and sinus symptoms are a bit better. My colitis – just barely some incremental improvement. But I am have so much more energy I am blown away. My memory has improved significantly, very little fatigue, very little pain, and I plan to go a few more months on this plan until my body has reset it self. My goal was to reduce inflammation in my body.

I had just started on this new food plan, when I had that horrible awful no good day out of which was born this bone deep resolve. The resolve is carrying me through wild times. I have been on six pet sitting gigs, which means I have moved six times since I last wrote. And I have to carry my new foodstuffs around with me. Arrowroot powder, carob powder, olive oil, coconut oil are some things I move because I need to cook all my food. Eating out could mean I might eat something not on my plan (like sugar)!

Now I have not been a cooking person. And I’m learning to love cooking for myself. I love finding the challenge of how to have a pizza when you can’t have any of the traditional flours. It’s possible. Just look online for AIP pizza and there’s someone who has found a recipe. So I have had lots of challenges with my time, and I am staying true to my resolve.

My intuition is kicking in big-time. I decided to write a book about this journey. I have a lot of skills that are valuable, and knowledge from walking in these shoes. “Coping with autoimmune disease”s is my working title. As I have gotten excited about writing, I had this incredible thought, what if autoimmune diseases are related to people who are highly sensitive? Guess what. There’s a big correlation!!!!!!!!!!

So off I jaunted in my research, and got one of the biggest epiphanies of my adult life. Part of what Elaine Afron talks about in The Highly Sensitive Person is the arousal of the nervous systems of people who have this temperament. I have always been told “You are too much.” “You are too ‘big’ in your energy.” You laugh too loud, you cry too loud, why can’t you be steady as a rock like most people. When you come into the office, its like a whirlwind happens. You really impact people too much with who you are. Calm down, be normal, be quiet, be thoughtful.” And more of those kinds of gems (roll of the eyes). And this was never about my behavior, this was always about the personhood of me. (so it felt).

When I was working on my master’s degree in human development, I specifically targeted a population that I wanted to work with. I wanted to work with Adults who have the same temperament as I do. Back then I was studying with Linda Budd Ph.d who wrote “Living with the Active Alert Child.” These are some of the coolest people in the world (as are the highly sensitive people), but they also have some big challenges. Think Bill Clinton, Jane Fonda, and you can kind of get a feeling for what they might be like.

So both the Active Alerts and the Highly Sensitive People receive enormous amount of negative feedback both because of their behavior, and their being-ness. Each temperament claims about 20% of the population, and it will be fascinating to see if they are subsets of each other.

When I studied Active Alerts, I knew that I could get really challenged by being in groups, because I didn’t have some of the screens that lots of people do to screen out incoming stimuli. What happens when all that stimuli gets in, it just floods the body, setting the body into alert status. The world does not feel safe. Cortisol floods the system as does adrenalin, and away we go. I just had not put it together that the arousal of my everyday life was creating nervous system overload. What I called earlier – arousal. Big thing to find out.

So of course you can guess what happened, when I got this epiphany and all the excitement of seeing my whole life and my life’s work beginning to emerge. I hit overload and overwhelm. Typical of overloaded arousal. This, I am sure, is what wears down people’s immune system.

After a weekend of being in the overload soup, I remembered!!!! Once again I am feeling victimized by my own nervous system. What crap!  Literally (laughing out loud – with colitis – well that’s more information that you need on this blog).

As soon as I recognized that, I immediately calmed down and began remembering all kinds of techniques I can use to calm my system and myself down.

So I have learned an enormous amount about me, my relationship with my body has changed, and finally I see a way to find a population who wants my work and needs it desperately, and who I understand very well, so I feel I am finally moving into my own, and my own’ life purpose.  Part of it is to heal myself. Part of it is to show others that it is possible.  I have created a Facebook Group where you can chat with me called “Success Factors.” Please drop by and chat. And like this page please. We are in wonderful times of change. Let’s do it.

I will be victim no more. That’s a resolution. Wherever I feel like a victim, it shows up, and now my illness points me directly to it.

So now my illness has become my best ally. And I have no doubt and all confidence that this new path will take me to success beyond my wildest dream.

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Resolve

Monday, September 19th, 2016

This has been a year of strong transitional movement. I know a lot of people who are challenged. As these waves of energy cascade, I have had strong reactions and sometimes felt at the mercy of forces beyond my control. Yet there are huge signs of transformation.

The Kiln

This has been a wild year, painful and intense, deeply fatiguing, and finally freeing. I have been terrified that 3 people I hold dear would die. And my sweet 33 year old Melissa did die. The brother to whom I am closest in age has had a heart that has been in flutter for over 16 months. He came to visit in June, and I was grateful to see him one more time.

My own health has been compromised as my two autoimmune disorders have flared and I can’t get them settled down.

Out of all the heat in the kiln of life, I find myself resolving to find a yet new way to live. While I have been saying that my health has been a top priority this last year, my actions have been to keep pushing me just a little further, to keep keeping on because I said I would do it, or I felt compelled to get that task done. I wasn’t always the driver of my own bus (one of my inner family or emotions was- click for more info). Sometimes impatience, and a need to get something accomplished drove my bus, not my more wise patient, compassionate self.

Have you noticed there are lots of people who are being challenged? When in a time where we have no control of the outside forces we can feel hopeless. Not so in charge of my inside forces these past months, it has been a time for me to stop.

The Fire

A sequence of circumstances brought me to a standstill. It took first intense anger to propel me to an inner place where I could allow the intense anger to morph into resolve. I was preparing for a colonoscopy (which I have done many times). They are not pleasant, but I had my tried and true method to get through the preparation. This time it didn’t work. This time my body had a violent reaction to the 12 hours forced cleansing. As I began recovering, I hit pure fury at the inhumane process.

But it turns out that what was inhumane, was my continual pushing my body to perform physical tasks far beyond its capability. So the fury I felt at the medical profession was a mirror to the fury that my body felt to being forced to be a slave to my will. In my imagination, my body was acting like a dog on a leash that finally laid down and would not walk any further because it had no more energy to give.

So no matter my outside commitments or my desires to do those things, I have had to stop.

Immediate Feedback

My body has such a state of depletion that it cannot restore itself. So it is giving me signals. If this doesn’t work for me, then I bleed. If I eat the wrong food, I bleed. If I get stressed, I bleed, if I get over-tired, I bleed. In real time, within the hour, my body gives me red feedback.

When I am this depleted, I am not really giving to others, when I do something that I said I would do. I don’t have the cushion of finess when I talk. I have been at a number of committee meeting, and as I would say my truth, it shaved off their skin as my words whistled by because what I saw and said was delivered with such intensity. That’s not a give to anyone.

So I am having to say no sometimes to things I think would give to me. I had to say no to going to a 4 day training that was two states away. Too much travel and too intense a schedule, my body could not do it. Last night at the last minute, I chose not to go to Chorus practice (I love singing) because I was too tired. When I signed up for chorus this season, I told myself I would just go when I felt really good, and wouldn’t go when I don’t, and if that means I don’t sing in the final concerts, then that’s what it means.

Phoenix Rising

But there is real transformation at work in this time for me. Because I am forced with instant feedback to see what helps and what does not help, I am able to make life changing choices.

I resolved changing the things I can. I resolve to eat on an Autoimmune Food Protocol. Some people put their diseases into remission and even heal themselves. I have the will power and the resolution to stay on that plan.

Eliminating stress is another thing I can change. How? I’m taking a sabbatical from things that create stress for me. I’m re-reading a book called “How We Choose to Be Happy – The 9 choices of Extremely Happy People-their secrets, their stories.” This is a way that “truly happy people make conscious decisions about how they will confront life’s challenges. In the face of sometimes overwhelming circumstances, they create happiness by making the same nine internally driven choices.”

Summary

So I have told you about my horrible, no good awful year 🙂 (like Alexander’s No good, horrible awful day – a delightful children’s book).

I’ve told you a basic response that came out of the pain, fatigue, and feeling powerlessness.

Fury came. Fury delivered the emotional energy that I could morph into resolve.

With it the decision arrived that I will be victim no more.

And a resolve so bone deep that it seared out all the hopelessness and despair and left complete resolve that I will live my life differently no matter what the circumstances. Now that is resolution I want you to know. And although my diseases are still active, I am happy. Bone Deep happy. And I intend to stay that way no matter what.

Other Related Posts

To Flow or Not to Flow That is the Question

Victim, Perpetrator, Rescuer or Empowered?

Life Flame and the Law of Success

Control Your Attention Secret Key # 11 to the Law of Success

What Two Ingredients Put you into Flow?

Transformation (includes The Gifts of Adversity)

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To Flow or Not to Flow; That Is the Question

Saturday, June 14th, 2014

There is a parable that has served me whenever I am transitioning into something big. It goes like this.

    Along the bottom of a great crystal river lived a village of creatures who clung to the rocks and twigs to hold against the current. The water flowed with great ferocity. Tightly the creatures gripped their river bottom to hold against the flow.

Eventually one creature said, this current seems to know where it is going. I am tempted to let follow this movement. The other villagers cried, “no, no, you will be dashed and bashed against the rocks.  The only way to survive is hang on here forever.” And so the creature stayed for a while longer, struggling to control his grip against the powerful flow.

One day, in a depressed, fatigued moment, he said “if this is all there is then I choose to let go and at least die in the adventure. All I know is clinging, and gripping and resisting the momentum of this terrible current and it is not enough.” In one breath, he pried his fingers from his small rock. Immediately he was taken, rolled, and tumbled into many obstacles becoming bruised. And for many long moments, he thought ‘what have I done?’

Sweeping around the curve in the river, he became aware that he was aloft in the clear waters. Below him were other villages of creatures who noticed him, and cried “look there is one like us who flies!”

And he pondered his long life of clinging, and his life now of flying, and he was glad.

This parable from Richard Bach’s book Illusions inspired me as I moved, left a long relationship, changed jobs and cities when I was young and lived in Florida. Shall I cling to the old, or let go into the flow of the unknown and see what it reveals? That choice to let go of a life where I was not truly happy, allowed me to move into a life that held more fulfillment.

I left my profession as a private investigator and repossessor, collection agency manager, and went back to college, finished my undergrad work, worked in the Career Office of Eckerd College, and fell in love with Academia, small private schools and the community that worked together to support the education of young people. That move allowed me to also study Humanistic Psychology (which was a forerunner of transpersonal psychology), to practice Tai Chi at dawn along the bay seawall, immersed in salt air, and pelican cries as we watched the sun rise. My roommate was studying Psychosynthesis in her Master’s program, and I began my long term love affair with Roberto Assagioli and Carl Jung.

Deeply part of that three years was Rolphing and attending Laws of Life classes, Shusta, the Kaballah, Dream Analysis, Huna, Astrology, and exposure to other ancient wisdoms and esoteric philosophies such as Theosophy, taught or offered in the bookstore of The Temple of the Living God, my spiritual home.

It was the most fertile period of my life, for it held the seeds of all that I pursued for the rest of my life.

Had I held tight to what I knew at the bottom of the river as it pressed forward, I would lack so much depth and breadth.

Richard Bach’s metaphor continued(s) to help me remember the possibility of flow. With each shift of life, there would come a time, when I would become clutching and rigid again, holding to what I knew, rather than experience that majesty of drifting in the flow. And by now, I knew that to let go meant some mighty bumps and bruises before I was swept into the flow of the current.

“Am I flowing, or clutching the river bottom?” became a question I would ask as my life would continue in a cycle. Many times, I found I was clutching the river bottom.

Richard Bach became one of my internal mentors as I read Bridge Across Forever, and One. I had begun writing in my late teens. His storytelling imparts great wisdom in a compelling way. I wanted to model myself after he and his wife. I was fascinated with his way of living, perhaps in a trailer with books overflowing both sides of his bed, living with the love of his life, trying to save a forest of trees. Then later he moved from Oregon to the San Juan Islands. As I read his story, I felt those islands call to me.

It is only now in hindsight that I see the deep desire that was covered by the strong belief I could never do it. The belief was so strong that I never held living in the San Juans as a goal. Besides, I was married, had small children and lived in Minnesota when I first heard the siren call of the islands.

When I hit the stall last year, I was confused and concerned. I couldn’t lift out of it. My continued use of Psychosynthesis techniques and philosophy over my lifetime suggested that I trust the process. That I trust my process. When one is down, it is much harder to hold to higher levels of understanding, because we have shrunk in awareness, and our capacity to problem solve shrinks.

All I could do is continue to ask the question “what is going on?” When I received no answers, I had to surrender to the process. Yes, I had gotten sick, yes, my dearest brother had almost died and it terrified me, yes, I got into a brouhaha with my closest friend, and we weren’t speaking. Yes, I got into another challenging situation with the community in which I lived. Even collectively, there wasn’t a good enough reason to have taken my urge to write. I have been through many adversities. This time, I dithered. I lost some hope and eventually began to be resigned to where I was emotionally.

However I was asking for help from the universal managers, and any non-human helper that would listen.

Then my roommate brought home this exercise that she had done that had shifted her perspective immensely about someone who had done her great harm with intention. When I saw her attitude had changed in one hour from using a process called NeuroMastery, I wanted to take that class. You can read more about that story by reading Transformation is at hand.

I felt inspired at a time when little had been interesting. I followed that inspiration to act. I signed up for the class. Amazing things happened.

My daughter signed up as well. Between the exercises that I was doing every day, I realized that I had shut off a part of me. One of my dearestly held qualities is that of aliveness. Would you believe that there are a lot of places where aliveness is not treasured. Bringing the fullness of me to many situations where I live was breaking some norms. Others saw it as too emotional, too loud, to consuming, too much.

I had slowly been conforming to what others would prefer from me at cost to myself, and it had all happened under the surface without my awareness. When I realized what I had done (others did not do it to me, I had done it to myself), I had a huge aha. Immediately followed the strong decision that I was not going to give up my aliveness for anything or anyone.

As I shared this with my daughter, she said “Mom. When I saw you three months ago, I was appalled. I didn’t recognize you. You had resigned yourself to getting older and living as you were currently. I didn’t see any dreams or enthusiam for which you are know.” Resignation! As she said it, the truth of that statement resonated inside. The truth was I couldn’t even find any dreams to have. Two major ahas, back to back. They energized me. The decision to embrace my aliveness filled me with resolution.

I had been thinking I would live in this community for the rest of my life, because I love it here. But what to do with the variance between the norms of being business-like, without passion at meetings, and the exuberance I share at the top of my lungs? For the first time, I considered the possibility of living somewhere else.

Now here is how I experience my decisions about identity and where I live. It was like having little latches inside, where as I committed to living in this community, a part of me “latched” into the reality of living here, in this community and in this town. Not too dissimilar from grasping the bottom rocks of the river. Which begs the question, of “how do I live in commitment, but not in rigidity, or resignation?” But that is for another entry.

Simultaneously, the community choir that has brought me such joy changed directors. It was great at first, then later, as the concert approached we got more and more tense about our ability to perform, because we were singing incredibly difficult pieces. I don’t normally go around getting mad at stuff, but I got mad at my director and my section. I noticed that my mad was disproportionate to what stimulated them. I was reacting like crazy. To the point where another latch that I had made to this community because of the choir was unlocked. I grumbled “Choir is about singing, having joy, and this is no longer fun, just hard work.” I was mad enough, and committed enough to having joy in my life, that I wouldn’t waste time in an activity that did not give back to me in fulfillment and joy.

When I moved in with my roommate two years ago, I was in bliss because I lived with someone of like mindedness and we care about each other. When she lost her job last October pushing her into retirement far earlier that she considered, suddenly there were two adults home all day long. I noticed that I was getting cranky about not having enough space in my room. Circumstances had suddenly invited me to consider living alone. The third latch was loosened.

These synchronicities were not brought about me consciously. But there was a deeper process at work behind the scenes.

And it was at this point that I made a pivotal choice. Instead of cancelling my trip to the San Juan Islands, I would go. I was pretty grumpy, energized, and not sure where all the movement was going. There was a lot of bruising. And then when I arrived and stepped off the ferry, I felt my world sync and morph as I began to “Dwell in Possibilities“.

Every time I go to the islands, I remember my journeys through Richard Bach’s world. I don’t know where he lives now, but I think it is still in the San Juan Islands. These islands call to me. I go out to the park, and look over the waters to the mountains rising on Lummi, Orcas, Guemes and other islands.
Every time I head downtown, I crest a large hill and there before me is the Bay and the waters shimmering in the sunlight, or even fog, and my heart leaps.

As I gaze across the expanse of water, my energy flows, lifts, and expands. What would it be like to live closer?

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Victim, Perpetrator, Rescuer, or Empowered?

Monday, September 30th, 2013

Victim, Perpetrator, Rescuer or Empowered? That is the question.

What is going on? Everyone I know is having some kind of emotional challenge. 

 

I think that we are in the middle of a large vibrational shift in our culture. To be the best we can be, situations are happening where we can look at our lesser behaviors, and make different choices about how to cope.

 

For us to be the full, expressive, powerful successful vibrant self, we need to stand in our knowingness, our strength and our authenticity. Many of us have built in blocks to standing in our positive strength. 

 

One cycle of behavior that most all of us were taught in some way revolves around  feeling our personal power. Somehow we were taught different stances of personal strength. This damaged personal power structure is the victim-rescuer-perpetrator triangle.

 

Anyone who wonders about their value or asks if they are “good enough,” feels small and powerless. That is a symptom of feeling a victim of circumstance, a person, or a group or government. We don’t feel a sense of power.

 

You have seen folks who feel emphatic that they need to protect themselves by using words, emphasis or their bodies to make their point. Often harm happens as a result. Some type of perpetration happens when we blame others, criticize, or push and shove our way to the front of the line. We seem to live in a society these days that needs to find blame somewhere somehow.  The people who stand in the perpetrator part of the triangle feel like they are regaining some of their personal power back by hurting others.

 

The third leg of the triangle is the rescuer behavior pattern, where people try to feel better by helping someone else. “You’re not doing very OK. If I help you someway, then I prove my worth and can feel good about myself.”   Rescuers feel their personal power by giving others advice, helping them, but usually in a way that says to the person being helped, “you’re not OK. You need me to help you.”

 

What’s really sneaky about this whole dynamic, is that no one feels empowered while standing anywhere on the victim perpetrator rescuer triangle. When we are not empowered, we ache and hurt inside so much that we will do anything for some relief. So we move to another place on the triangle. A person who is laid off and feeling victimized by the economy feels powerless (victim). To feel more powerful, they look for someone to blame loudly or shout at the children or kick the dog (perpetrator). They may decide to help out at the food bank because when they are volunteering, they don’t feel so much a victim (rescuer).  

 

Anyone who has practiced any of these coping behaviors on the victim, rescuer, perpetrator triangle, knows very well how to act from any part. Victims know how to be perpetrators. Rescuers know how to be perpetrators. Perpetrators probably started out as victims or rescuers.  We each move to a place on the triangle in response to what is happening in our lives. 

 

These times urgently call for us to step off this triangle where we use our power in a damaged way.

 

These times call for us to step into our strength.

 

Perhaps this call is far beyond our comfort range. Perhaps this call does not seem to honor our timing.

 

The times itself are giving us the opportunity to either entrench into the old patterns, or to find a powerful way to transcend the old outmoded ways of being. Some people may in fact feel victimized by these times. 

 

So what are you going to do?  It is a huge and very important choice.

 

I don’t know about you, but I do not want to be a victim. I am tired of that. I choose to find my personal strength, even when everything else may not seem to support it. I know that the Universe DOES SUPPORT US.  It is calling us to reach in very deep.

 

It calls to us to reach deeply for the highest and best in ourselves. 

 

What do you choose?

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Do You Stop Success with “I Can’t Because” Thinking?

Sunday, August 25th, 2013

Do you stop Success with “I Can’t Because” Thinking?

 

Do you stop success with “I can’t because” thinking? I have. Repeatedly. I watch other people stop their success because the say “I can’t.”

I can’t because I am too busy.
I can’t because I am too tired.
I can’t because I don’t have enough time.
I can’t because I don’t have enough money.
I can’t because I don’t have the opportunities of others.
I can’t because I am afraid people won’t like me.
I can’t because I will be too visible.
I can’t because I don’t have the skills.
I can’t because I don’t know how.
I can’t because I don’t have the talent.
I can’t because I don’t have the contacts necessary
I can’t because I don’t know how to “sell.”
I can’t because I am a professional.
I can’t because I don’t have enough education.
I can’t because I don’t have organizational skills.
I can’t because I don’t know how to start and run a business.
I can’t because I don’t have the start up costs.
I can’t because I don’t have enough confidence.
I can’t because I don’t trust myself.
I can’t because I don’t trust the Universe to provide with opportunity, people, and anything else I need.
I can’t because I don’t have enough experience.
I can’t because I am not old enough.
I can’t because I am too old.
Shall I go on?

When you utter the words “I can’t.” you absolutely shut the door to success. Success is now impossibility. There is no way forward from the position of I can’t.

I have seen people I love and respect absolutely stop progress forward with that sentence, which they believe wholeheartedly. When you believe it that fundamentally, you never ask another question, you never move anywhere. Essentially you have placed your feet in concrete and it has dried, anchoring you where you are.

Sometimes you don’t say it to your self, or to others, but it is implied in your behavior. This came home to me recently. A self improvement program that I was listening to suggested I be very specific about what I wanted money for. Then it asked me to figure how much money I needed.

I spent 65 years having written out goals and but never attaching a dollar figure to it. When I did, I suddenly said, that is doable. I know people in my life who make that amount of money. I can too. I wanted to visit my children 3 times a year and pay all my own costs for hotel, flights, taxies and meals. I wanted to visit family and friends that I care about without worrying about fund.

Within one month, I made travel plans to visit friends in Oregon, and my daughter begged me repeatedly to come visit her. When I bought the tickets, I felt like a million bucks. And this was in a month when I had a huge unexpected cost, I was about to retreat into “I can’t make it through this month because I don’t have enough money”

Suddenly I said to myself. “Same old thinking. What if? What if I decided to say instead, “how can I receive more money?”

Within two days I had four jobs that gave me more expendable income than I had had the prior couple of months. Before I received those jobs, I made the decision to visit a friend about five hours south of me. I talked to her, looked up the train fare, and got a deal round trip for half price. I purchased the tickets, and didn’t worry. Then the jobs came in.

Then my daughter begged me to come, and I opened to the possibility of planning a trip to see her. She wanted me to come for a week!

In my prior mindset, I thought of myself on a restricted income which did not allow me the freedom to plan a vacation or a visit to my children unless special circumstances happened. It was a much more subtle version of “I can’t.” I am astounded to look back at this month which I thought was originally severely restricted in funds, and see that I have met all my needs, and had more than enough surplus. I had the money to buy the tickets at times when costs were significantly lower. I had more than enough money to hostess my brother and sister-in-law when they came for a visit earlier this week.

I was busier than I have been in a long time. I got healthier, my energy was enhanced, and I contributed more to my community. Today I am about to leave on that trip to see friends tomorrow and I have a presentation to make tonight. Lots to do. A great opportunity to say “I can’t write this blog entry because I don’t have enough time. But the truth is that writing enriches me. So I chose to write.

There’s a secret to turning this “I can’t” around. You begin to ask “I wonder” instead.

We are living in a powerful time. It is intense. It is fast paced. It is challenging. But it holds immense ripeness for us to make internals shifts of our thinking. We are being called to rise to our very best, and there is support for us to make these transformations. You definitely won’t do it, if you say “I can’t.”

I wonder how I can rise to my best in this really uncomfortable situation? I’d really like to get revenge for being treated with such disrespect. What other options might there be? I wonder how I could use my anger to make forward action with wisdom?

Reality completely shifts in that moment. You suddenly have access to a much broader field of possibilities. Inspiration will come to you. Angels will brush your thought.

You don’t need to process long and hard, all you need to do is ask “I wonder how I can do this differently?” I guarantee the Universe will meet you and support you if you ask for guidance and support.

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Art of Connecting with the Power of Creation

Monday, January 31st, 2011

“I wish I could master the art of connecting with this power of creation on demand.” writes one of my readers. Well, J, you can. Mastering your “State of Being” is an art. It is a practice. It may take time. But what better investment of your time can you possibly imagine?

What you read about how to create and the law of attraction is very powerful, and the steps are simple. Imagine what you want, in full profound passionate color and detail until it is very vivid. Ask for it. Anticipate it. Expect it. Relax and focus on well-being. Let the angels and managers of the universe do their work. Watch for signs and signals that the universe is at work. Know that the force that creates worlds can respond to the rather smaller request that you have.

If you can do all that without dipping into negativity, wondering why its not here yet, focusing on what you don’t have, and doubting that you deserve what you want, and the other many ways we trip ourselves up, then what you want will arrive – it is Law.

Therein lies where we need the art of mastery of our own state of being. When you are connected with your own Source Self, You will know that your request will be met. There are many other places within ourselves that we have created over the years, that are not resonant with the clear knowing of Self.

So imagine that inside you is a little family – your very own unique version of a relatively complex group of parts of self. It could include a judge, skeptic, rebel, inner child, earth mother, lover, parent, worker bee, party person, wit, poet, wisdom sayer, activist, spiritual searcher, naysayer, victim, empowered warrior, idealist, zealot, righteous rule maker and perhaps a sprite or pixie or two. My goodness there’s a lot of us inside this skin. What does each one of these inner characters think about this desire you have? What do they say to you? What do each of them believe about the universe?

Can you see how so much disparity could set up a real mix of signals. Your vibratory offering is very muddled, when the critic says, “It’ll never happen” “You don’t deserve it.” The righteous rule maker says “who do you think you are. God?” The Empowered Warrior responds “I can do it.” The anxious little kid says “I get hurt when I ask for what I want.” The realist inside you says. “No way. Look at what’s happening in the economy, I can barely make ends meet. I’m tired and scared.” The spiritual seeker says “There’s gotta be a way.”

You and your inner little family are not sending out vibrations that are resonant with your request, your desire for success. That’s what usually gets in the way of CONNECTING WITH THE POWER OF CREATION.

When you pray, or meditate, or contemplate, or practice 17 seconds, you are tuning in the whole inner family of self into the zone of connection, moving into the power and presence of knowing. You are getting all the signals aligned with each other.

Building bridges of connection and alignment with your inner characters, will help you get what you want. It builds your confidence. It places you in the zone. It helps you have unbelievable powers of creation. And all of you can be a team for success. Read more about Understanding Your State. Then read the essay to learn how to Shift States.

Learn how to Accept how these parts of you act and respond. Recognize, Accept and Coordinate all the inner reactions that you have.

Most of all remind yourself that you are on your own personal journey, Where you are is where you are, and it is OK, and you will train and get more knowledgeable about the process, and next week you will be better at it, and next year even better, and during your whole life, you will continue to develop the Art of Connecting to the Source within, the Power that Creates Worlds. Read about this true Inner Secret.

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Here's a guide to making tons of money fast in the first couple hours of playing Red Dead Redemption 2's online component.



30 Ways to Make Money in College in 2018  TheStreet.com

While college may be a time for Ramen noodles and sleep deprivation, it can also be a time of great money-making opportunities. But, how do you make money ...



9 Ways These People Make Money at Home With Nothing But Their Laptops  Entrepreneur

Here's how these individuals, including some who make more than six figures, earn their livings.



Five easy ways for South Africans to make money online in 2019  The South African

We are living in exciting times, with new ways to make money outside of the traditional workplace opening up all the time.



How to make money online from the comfort of your own​ home  iNews

There are many options available to you and we've rounded up the best ways to make money online.



20 best ways to make money online  Komando

The good news these days is that you can make money if you have an internet connection! There's no secret trick to making money either, other than using ...



7 Realistic Ways to Make Money Online  Entrepreneur

The internet offers many opportunities to generate passive income sufficient for you to quit the rat race.



7 Ways to Make Money Online and With Free Apps in 2018  U.S. News & World Report

From participating in focus groups to teaching English online to selling comic books, collecting extra money online is a cinch with the right websites and apps.



There's A New And Very Easy Way To Make Money On Red Dead Online  Esquire.com

There's been a lot of virtual blood spilt and a fair few frustrated Reddit posts angrily hammered out about the ongoing wrangling over Red Dead Online's updates ...



Refer.ng 2019 Millionaire Assurance - Make money online in 2019 easily from home  Legit.ng

Legit.ng News ☆ If you are tired of doing the same boring job for the same low pay, there is a new solution that you can use to get money much faster. Have you ...



A Quiet War Rages Over Who Can Make Money Online  WIRED

Over the past year, two popular forums for men who identify as involuntary celibates, or incels, have been banned by Reddit and a domain registrar in response ...



Can you make money selling your data?  BBC News

Tech giants make billions from our data – why can't we do the same? Sam Harrison tries out companies which pay for personal information, with varying results.



32 Proven Ways to Make Money Fast  Entrepreneur

In a bind? Need some fast cash? We're talking here about small bursts of capital, not millions of dollars -- enough to satisfy your monthly obligations or get that ...



Five ways to make money online working from home  The South African

We've picked a list of ways which will help you to make money working from home. You will find options for both additional earnings and main sources of income ...



To Make Money Online Do These 3 Things First  Entrepreneur

Everyone wants to make money online. It's the proverbial dream. But, is this dream an achievable reality for most people who are just starting out on the web?



How to Make Money in Stocks (the Smart Way)  NerdWallet

The stock market's average return is a cool 10% annually — better than you can find in a bank account or bonds. So why do so many people fail to earn that 10% ...



Best Methods To Make Online Money  The Frisky

Money might not be the key to happiness, but it is something we all need in the times we are living in. And though a regular 9 to 5 job is always a good thing, ...



27 Best Money Making Apps 2019 - Apps That Make You Money  WomansDay.com

If you're looking for a side gig without expending much time or effort, we've got great news: You can make money right from your phone by downloading these ...



5 Ways You Haven't Considered To Save Or Make Money  Forbes

If you are looking for a supplemental source of income, here are five ways to save or make money that you haven't considered. You may think that earning a few ...



13 Passive Income Streams To Create In 2019  Forbes

Whether you want passive income to supplement your workplace earnings, or to add more revenue to your business you certainly have a lot of options. Try some ...



Red Dead Redemption 2 Online Money: How to make Money fast in Red Dead Online Multiplayer? | PS4, Xbox One, Nintendo Switch Game Guides - Daily Star  Daily Star

RED Dead Online is a officially up and running, and you won't get very far without cash – here we reveal how to make money fast in Red Dead Redemption 2 ...



21 Legit Ways To Make Money Online  Forbes Now

Technology's ever-pervading permeation into every last fiber and morsel of society has caused a dramatic upheaval in the way we live, work and entertain ...



The 5 Most Reliable Ways to Make Money Online  Entrepreneur

In 1994, the internet went mainstream. This is the year the first AOL discs came out to let people “dial up” to the internet. They were everywhere. You could get ...



GTA 5 Online Money - How to Make Money FAST in GTA Online solo or in a crew? | PS4, Xbox One, Nintendo Switch Game Guides - Daily Star  Daily Star

GTA 5 Online offers many ways to make money fast. Here we reveal some of the ways you can get rich on the multiplayer game.



My Passive Income officially launched to help individuals make money online with little effort – All  All News Stories

(AllNewsStories Editorial):- Reno, Mar 15, 2019 (Issuewire.com) – My Passive Income, a website that helps individuals make money online, has officially ...



Want to get paid for your opinions? How to earn money doing online surveys  inews.co.uk

Getting paid to do online surveys can be an easy way to make some extra cash, with the most dedicated participants able to make above £100 a month.



7 Ways To Make Money Online And Offline  BCW

In today's materialistic world, the increasing costs, as well as lack of job opportunities, force individuals and students alike to look for creative ways to make ...



How To Travel The World And Make Money  Forbes

You can travel the world without going broke. Or being an influencer. Here's how.



Four ways to make quick money online  Economic Times

The internet also provides you several opportunities to make some quick money from the leisure of your home. Here are some ideas to get you started.


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